


Skin to Skin

by Creepy_Crawl3r



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Closeted Gay Dean, College Student Castiel, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorder, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Navy Dean Winchester, Openly Gay Castiel, PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, bipolar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepy_Crawl3r/pseuds/Creepy_Crawl3r
Summary: Dean was almost perfect in the beginning. Sure, there was red flags in the beginning and maybe they should have taken things slower, but that's love. It makes you do stupid things and you lose yourself in that other person. Will Castiel be able to find himself again?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Skin to Skin

**Author's Note:**

> So, this Fic is actually about five years old. It is a revamped version of the original one that I wrote years ago. It's going to be several chapters long. They are already completed but I'm having to mill through all of them. Please excuse any grammatical or punctual errors you come across. My writing style has greatly changed since I wrote this and I'm trying my best...

Dean’s ship was stationed at the Galveston port for about a week. He and his friend’s rented a shared hotel room for the three of them. He wasn’t really interested in sight seeing or being the stereotypical tourist. It was just Texas. "Hey Deano, let's go to a club tonight. Loosen up a bit, yea? You need to take a break from all that brooding.” Fergus inquired, brushing shoulders with Dean. He gave his friend a side glance and sighed with resignation. “Alright, fine, if it’ll get you to leave me alone.”

Dean, Fergus, and Benny went to a club called the Alibi. It was known for its metrosexual crowd, one Dean didn't really fit well in. He walked up to the bar and tapped a finger on the counter, yelling over the music. "Scotch on the rocks." Fergus elbowed him in the ribs, laughing at how seriously Dean surveyed the dancing crowd. "I brought you here to loosen up mate, not interrogate strangers." Dean took a swig of his scotch, hissed at the strength of it and let the burn coat his throat. The music was overwhelmingly loud, he could feel it in his chest, he wasn't even able to hear his own thoughts. He wasn’t sure what his friend wanted him to accomplish tonight. They were only here for a week and nothing meaningful could come of it. "I'm going over to a booth." Fergus cackled and slapped Dean on the back. "Go be a wallflower."

Dean watched the crowd from his dark corner in the club and his attention was grabbed by a man that stood out. He had shaggy blonde hair, an androgynous appearence and slim body. Dean took a swig of his scotch, watching the other man dance, swaying to the music, laughing with his friends. If he was more confident he probably would have approached the man but he had no experience with men and wasn’t even sure why this one stood out. He walked back to the bar to order another scotch, lost in thought. A hand went on Dean's shoulder and he swung around, grabbing their wrist. "Whoa soldier." It was the guy he had been watching for most of the night and immediately his guard went up. "I saw you watching me, I figured one of us should say Hi."

The man held his hand out to Dean and he just stared at it, his social skills not intune with normal individuals. The man smiled and ran fingers through his hair, sighing with a nervous laugh. "Okay, well I'm Castiel." Dean flashed a half hearted smile to show some sort of interest. He saw no point in trying to form a semblance of a bond with someone. He leaned into Castiel so he could hear him over the loud music. "I'm Dean," Castiel smelled good, a faint scent of something flowery. Dean downed the rest of his scotch and leaned into Castiel again. "Let's go somewhere quieter."

He walked through the crowd and hoped Castiel was following him until they were outside away from the noise. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I honestly can't stand places that loud." He realized how cliche that sounded and immediately regretted that he said it. Castiel laughed and it raised Dean’s pulse a bit, the man was beautiful in the street light compared to the dimly lit club. "Yea, no, it’s okay. It's not everybody's scene. So where do you want to go?" Dean could finally hear the other man's voice and it didn’t match his appearance. It was baritone in description with a hint of gruffness. "I was thinking of a local dive bar. There's one right up the street." Castiel held his arm out to Dean and wiggled his eyebrows at him. "Well, you going to escort me Navy boy?"

They ended up at a cliché roadhouse bar, which was drastically different from where they were just at. Hardwood floors, jukebox, a few old tables and a bar. Dean felt right at home but he could tell by Castiel's body language he was uncomfortable. "They won't bite." He laughed pointing at some bikers that were eyeing them. "No-" Castiel pulled at his jacket, “but I’m a little overdressed." Dean waved his concerns off and guided him to a stool at the bar. "And I'm in uniform, don't worry about it.

Castiel watched quietly as Dean chatted up the bartender and ordered them both a drink. It was amazing how much more relaxed the stranger was at this honky bar while Castiel felt on edge, like he didn't belong. "So Dean, where are you from?" The man turned his full attention to him, eyes green enough to be mistaken as gems. "Dallas, you?" "Boston." Castiel waited for that general reaction when he said he's from that awful city but it never came. "Why are you here? Galveston is on the other side of the country." Castiel was fully prepared to tell him he was there for college but Dean interrupted him. "You know what, cut the small talk. I'm really not one for beating around the bush." Castiel didn't say anything at first, this sudden change in behavior quite shocking. "Pardon?" Dean smiled, pulling Castiel closer to him. "I mean, why did you approach me in the club? I don't think it's because you want to be bestfriends." The smaller man frowned. He genuinely liked Dean and wanted more than just a simple fuck. All men are the same.

"I-I saw you watching me. You looked like a swell guy. What do you want me to say?" Castiel was beginning to get agitated because this is not how he wanted this to go. He downed his drink and stood up from the stool. "I'm going back to the club." Dean sighed, "It's what everyone else wants from me. Why would you be any different?" Castiel frowned, he was not going to be bunched into the same category as the gay men who just sleep with anything. "I don't know, maybe because I didn't start the conversation with, Hey can I suck your dick." He fished out five dollars and handed it to Dean. "Thanks for the drink " and left the bar.

Dean went back to his hotel room. The same anger he carried towards the rest of the world now directed at himself. He had ruined a perfectly good night being the abrasive brute he was. Dean dressed down, tossing his uniform on the ground in a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor. He needed a shower to calm his nerves. His temper had gotten better over time but it was still bad enough he gets reprimands and needs to isolate himself. 

He stepped into the lukewarm shower and relaxed as it rushed over him. A hard reset for his mind that acted as a clean slate. It enabled him to breath and let go of the unwarranted agitation.

When he stepped out of the shower he threw on some clean clothes. Black t-shirt, plaid overcoat and a pair of dark jeans. Dean's phone rang and it was Fergus. "Hey lover boy, where did you run off to with the night so young?" Dean sighed loudly, he didn't really want to explain the whole situation to his friend. Mostly, he knew it would bring on a round of snickering and taunting he didn’t want to deal with at the moment. "I'll come back, some chick threw up on me. I needed a change of clothes." He smoothly lied to Fergus, knowing his friend wouldn’t know the wiser. "Okay, well grab an uber or something and come back here." Dean hung up the phone and opened his uber app. When the driver got there he settled into the car and mentally prepared himself for Castiel still being at the club. Dean had no idea how to function around other people. He had been spent so long isolating himself from others he forgot how to form bonds for friendships or anything else. The silent car ride gave him the time he needed to refocus on the intentions of going out, relaxing. 

He was hit with the wave of sound when he reentered the club. Dean’s eyes scoured the crowd unintentionally and his heart sunk when he didn’t immediately spot Castiel. He made his way through the throng of inebriated people and ordered himself another drink at the bar. Dean hadn’t planned on getting messed up that night, in fact, he had been working on his drinking problem. It was harder than he had expected it to be and in time of duress, it was his go to. Alcohol had always been that security blanket he lacked in other areas of his life. 

Dean found another empty spot in the club and plopped down into a booth that kept him from others. There was no hiding from the eyes of interested strangers but it was better than being out in the open. He took a sip of the scotch and allowed it to soothe the nerves that had managed to bundle themselves back up. 

A mess of blonde hair caught his attention and he instantly knew it was Castiel even though he was among a sea of people. The other man was clearly in a drunker state than he was earlier. A lazy smile decorated his face and an arm hung across a friend’s shoulder. He wasn’t dancing much but he swayed to the music at a pace that made it obvious he was a little off balance. 

Dean tore his eyes away and silently cursed himself. He was not here for anything meaningful. Nothing important could be formed and at the end of this week he could end up anywhere. A few hours, to a few thousand miles away. There was no point in trying anything and he wasn’t sure where this newfound interest had come from. 

He took the final sip of his scotch and slouched down in the seat. He didn’t want Castiel to notice him. He didn’t want the other man to find his way over to Dean’s side. He definitely didn’t want him to press that warm body against his and fill his senses with a presence he would never be able to experience again. 

It was moments later of self-pity and wallowing that he heard a shout from somewhere in the club. He shook himself out of the disassociated state he allowed himself to slip into and spotted Castiel being felt up by a man he was trying to get way from. 

He had grabbed Castiel by the arm and begun to grind his body against his, a hand at the back of his neck that held him in place. Blood surged through his veins at a rate that shocked him and his adrenaline bypassed all rational thought. Dean didn’t even think about it. He jumped up from his seat and ran to Castiel’s side. He tapped the bigger man’s shoulder and he unsteadily turned to look at Dean. That’s when he grabbed his now free arm and wrapped it behind his back. Dean kicked the back of his knee and the man collapsed to the ground in a heap. He couldn’t stop himself. The man had let go of Castiel but all he saw was red. All he felt was a need to render him unconscious and to make him pay. Dean pulled his head back with a handful of hair and began to land hit after hit to his face. 

Fergus found his way to Dean and wrestled him away from the broken man that now laid in a circle of drunk onlookers. Fergus backhanded him and for a split second he was going to hit his best friend. Castiel appeared in his line of sight and he returned to his faculties. 

“Dean, stop it!” They were outside now. Dean didn’t remember being drug outside. "What is wrong with you? One minute all you want is to fuck and the next you're saving me from Gaston." Dean tried to remember the breathing exercises he had been taught and willed his heart rate to slow down. "I-I don't know." He looked at the ground before he ashamedly met Castiel’s blue eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier and I’m sorry about just now. I don’t know what came over me." Castiel shook his head in disbelief because this guy was an emotional roller coaster and a bunch red flags sewn together. "Okay, okay let's chalk it up to a misunderstanding." Castiel straightened out his jacket and realized the man had torn his sleeve some. "I can't go back in there.” Dean noticed Castiel shaking and he softly squeezed the smaller man’s shoulder. "Can you give me a ride to my dorm?" "Your dorm?" Dean was slightly taken aback. Castiel didn't exactly look the college type. "Yea, I tried to tell you earlier I'm here because of college." Dean felt like an absolute asshole. Castie’s night seemed to have gone downhill from the second he met him. "One minute, I'll go get my friend's car keys." Castiel meekly nodded and Dean was in and out of the club just as the rain started to fall. 

When they reached Castiel's dorm building Dean was slightly disappointed it was goodbye. He found himself wanting to spend more time with him and that alone was enough to make him skittish. “Can I see you tomorrow, Dean?” Castiel looked up at him with dowy blue eyes and he felt the uncertainty waving between them. “Lunch okay?” He had no idea where this was going to go, if anywhere, but it wouldn’t hurt to entertain it, right? 

Castiel lifted himself up on his tip toes and quickly brushed his lips to Dean’s cheek. “Goodnight, Dean.” He watched him walk up the sidewalk from the parking lot and waited until he was inside before he drove off. What the hell had he done?

___________________________________________________

The next morning he was exhausted. Dean hadn’t checked the time before he went to sleep last night but was sure it was into the wee hours of the morning. He was such a mess after everything that happened it was hard for him to think coherently. The results of that was he never got Castiel’s phone number nor did he find out what dorm he stayed in. So, he was stuck guessing when he should show up and how he was going to find the man. 

Dean slipped into a grey t-shirt, a pair of white washed jeans and his black tennis shoes. He hadn’t packed to impress anyone and for once he regretted it just a little bit.

When he pulled into the parking lot of the college he was completely lost. It had been dark last night but he was almost positive he saw what building Castiel had walked into. He followed the sidewalk up to the entrance and there was nothing that gave away which room he might stay in. 

Dean hesitated before he knocked on the first door that had a light creeping out from underneath of it. Someone was in there and awake but what if he didn’t know who Castiel was or where he lived? What would he do then? 

After a few minutes Dean almost gave up but someone finally came to the door and opened it. The man looked disheveled, exhausted and unbathed. 

“Yea?” 

Anxiety curled itself up into a tight knot in his stomach and something had caught his tongue. What if Castiel thought he was desperate for doing this? Maybe he hadn’t meant it when he said he wanted to see Dean again?

“What do you want buddy?”

Dean cleared his throat. “Do you know which dorm Castiel stays in?” 

The man scoffed and pointed across the hall at an adjacent door. “I’m pretty sure you mean Cassy and he stays in that one right there.” He shut the door in his face and Dean heard a lock turn before he stepped away. 

The lead weight in his stomach became heavier when he approached the door and bile from an empty stomach began to rise. He rapped on the door in a quick repetition of three and stepped away waiting for someone to answer it. 

Castiel answered the door in pajamas, clearly not expecting the guest to be Dean. His blonde hair was a mess, day old scruff on his face and his eyes were unfocused from sleep. 

“Dean?” Castiel’s eyes suddenly widened and he slammed the door in Dean’s face. So Dean was right. The other man wasn’t serious after all and he shouldn’t have bothered showing up. Right when he was about to walk away the door swung up and Castiel immediately began to apologize profusely. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- you caught me off guard and myself and the room are an absolute mess.” Dean peaked around the other man and saw the “mess” he was talking about. Take out trays scattered on a desk along with essential papers and dirty clothes sitting in a pile. 

“It’s alright. I honestly thought you didn’t expect me to show and were shutting me out.” 

Castiel rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment and a small patch of pink flushed his 

Dean took them to a small cafe that overlooked the gulf. He found them a little two seater table on the boardwalk that gave them a clear shot of the ocean laid out before them. He ordered his usual greasy biscuit he got for his hangovers and Castiel got a coffee muffin and an iced latte. Dean glanced over at the other man and a feeling took over him he hadn’t felt before. The view fit Castiel perfectly. His sandy hair shone in the sun and his blue eyes the same color as the water that stretched out below them. He wore a bright blue plaid overshirt over a plain black t and some tight jeans that hugged his ass in a way that Dean definitely noticed. 

“If you want more than a muffin, don’t be afraid to ask.” Castiel nodded with a mouthful of food and took a sip of his latte before he spoke. “Nah, it's okay. I don’t eat much when I first wake up.”

Dean noticed his fingernails were painted a dark shade of blue and he noted that it was something that he had missed last night. It didn’t necessarily bother him but it made him question how open the other man was. 

“So, what is it you want to do today?” 

Castiel pulled his legs up into the chair and a small smile reached his eyes. 

“I just want to spend the day with you. It doesn’t really matter what we end up doing.” 

Dean solemnly nodded. It was going to be hard leaving behind this man. His energy was something he hadn’t felt from another person in a long time and he didn’t want to let go. 

“Then...lets go down to the beach. We can go grab a few snacks and settle down with our feet in the sand. Sound good?” 

Dean had quickly begun to spiral into a dark hole. He still didn’t understand where this rapid attachment was coming from but he knew it was going to spell heart break when he finally had to leave. 

When they strolled along the boardwalk Dean saw a glimpse of a far fetched future. One where Dean wasn’t afraid to be open and he could let go of all the pain that weighed him down. Castiel might be in it, maybe not, it was this thought process that made him keep people at arms length. He never knew what would happen. 

Castiel stepped in front of him and Dean walked right into him. 

“Are you okay?” Blue eyes searched his and he attempted a smile that didn’t fool the other man. 

“Why don’t you take my picture? Something to remember me by, yea?”

Castiel ran over to a lamp post and wrapped a leg and arm around it. He stuck his tongue out and scrunched up his nose. Dean couldn’t help but chuckle just a little bit and snapped the picture with his phone. He ran back to his side and shielded the screen with a cupped hand so he could see the picture. 

“Now, you’ll never forget what I look like.” Dean swallowed past a lump that had formed in his throat. What was wrong with him? Before he could stop him Castiel pulled Dean in for a kiss. The sudden intimate contact stopped his heart and all he could focus on was the closeness of the smaller man. It wasn’t like anything he had felt before. The only word that described what he felt was electricity, it shot through his body with a current that paralyzed him and he wasn’t able to kiss back. 

Castiel pulled away and his expression had switched to a disappointed one. It wasn’t what Dean meant to do but he didn’t expect it and he sure as hell wasn’t going to initiate it. 

“Sorry. I thought, I don’t know what I thought.” 

Dean sighed heavily and kissed Castiel on the cheek. “It’s alright. Lets just go down to the beach.” 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
